Main Character Energy: How to Stop Shrinking Yourself and Take Up Space

Hey, friend! This week on Tea with Tanya, we’re diving into something we ALL need to hear—stepping into our power and taking up space. If you’ve ever caught yourself apologizing for no reason, downplaying your wins, or hesitating to speak up, this episode is for you.

It’s time to stop shrinking and start showing up as the main character in your own life. 

 Key Takeaways from This Episode:

•  You were never meant to be small. Society has conditioned women to shrink, but we’re unlearning that today.
•  Confidence isn’t about being fearless—it’s about showing up anyway. You belong in every room you step into.
•  Taking up space is an act of self-love and self-respect. No more apologizing for existing.

Listen now and take your power back!

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro to Main Character Energy
• 20:00 The Science of Shrinking: Why We Hold Back
• 40:00 Steps to Embrace Your Power and Confidence

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to Tea with Tanya podcast. Every week, I'll be brewing up a perfect blend of public health stories, which will include maternal and reproductive health, career and academic advice, self-love, health and wellness tips. Join me, your host, tanya. I'm a public health professional working in maternal health. I'm a birth and postpartum doula, a placenta encapsulation specialist and certified lactation counselor by day, and I'm your average tea loving millennial and content creator by night. So pour yourself up a cup of tea and join me in the tea tasting room for your weekly dose of inspiration, where you are the center of our conversation. This podcast is here to serve you, so come, take a sip with me and let's start promoting positive living together. Hey friend, welcome back to another episode of Tea with Tanya, your go-to space for real, honest and transformative conversations about health, wellness and promoting positive living.

Speaker 1: 1:07

It is March, my friend. I cannot believe that we're in month three of 2025. I feel like I haven't had the time to even nap or take a break. I mean, of course I've been sleeping, but I feel like the world has just been spinning faster than it usually is. February came under the Usain Bolt. You know, I don't know, but nevertheless, I am happy that we are progressing along in this year and I hope that you've done something for yourself, if not within the last week, that we met, at least one time this year within the three months that we're now living in. For me, I've just been on the go constantly, so I haven't had the time to truly sit and reflect like I usually would, but that's neither here nor there. You know again, one day at a time for me right now is also one moment at a time, but I just can't believe that March is here because I am with this new month I have. You know, you guys are a bit emotional because that means she's at least very close to graduation day and, of course, my birthday in May. But graduation day in May and your girl is going through a little identity crisis. So send me some positive energy when you hear this episode. Send me all the good loving, because I am just getting sad thinking about what life is going to be like after grad school. I have had the time of my life at the University of South Carolina that I just don't know. I'm sad. The community, the support, everything that I got, I'm getting at this school is what I couldn't even imagine or even dream of you know what I mean. So that's why I'm going through a little bittersweet moment Happy that I get to you know, elevate and evolve, but what is life going to be like after grad school? So that's something that I'm already thinking about. So just definitely send me a DM when you hear this episode. Just send your girl some positive energy, some encouraging words, because she needs it, because she is a bit in between happy and sad as her graduation day approaches.

Speaker 1: 3:07

All right, speaking of March, it is March, so, which means it's Women's History Month, and that's usually a time to reflect on the incredible women who came before us and honor their resilience, contributions and sacrifices. But I also want us to use this month, my friend, to turn the lens inward, because while we celebrate history, we're also making history every single day by how we choose to show up for ourselves. This month, on the podcast, we're going to be talking about, you know, health and wellness. We're going to be talking about focusing on the power that we hold over our wellbeing. That's whether it's our self-love, whether it's hormonal health, fertility, or advocating for ourselves in medical spaces, because, ultimately, taking care of ourselves isn't just personal. It's a part of a bigger movement of women reclaiming their health and their voices. So you guessed it on today's episode, it's all about stepping into your power, claiming your space and owning your main character energy.

Speaker 1: 4:16

Now let me ask you this, my friend have you ever felt like you were holding yourself back? Maybe you hesitated to share ideas in a meeting because you didn't want to sound pushy. Or you apologized for something that wasn't even your fault, just to keep the peace. Or you don't played your accomplishments because you didn't want to come across as bragging. My friend, if any of that sounds familiar, then this episode is for you, because today we're going to be talking about why so many women shrink themselves, where this conditioning comes from and how you can break free and start stepping into your main character energy. Because here's the truth, my friend you were never meant to be small. You were meant to take up space. You are meant to be bold, to live fully in your truth, without apology.

Speaker 1: 5:08

Okay, I think, from the moment we are born, society teaches us, directly and indirectly, to be smarter. Think about it when boys were allowed, they were leaders. When girls are loud, they are labeled as bossy. When men assert themselves, they are strong. But when women assert themselves, they're too much. And let me tell you this I have had this happen to me and I'm like wow, it's just crazy how things change on different end of the spectrum as well. So, no, we're not doing that in 2025. And you know, you think about where does this even show up in our daily life? And think about it.

Speaker 1: 5:47

First thing is over apologizing, and as you're listening to this episode, fred, I want you to really sit and think. This shows up in our daily life by way of over apologizing. Sometimes we tend to do our sorry Can I say something? Instead, my friend, just do I have something to add For me. I am big under sorry for the delay. Instead, just say thanks for your patience. And another thing that I'm big for is sorry for bothering you. Instead, just say do you have a moment? I think this is going to change the way in which how we show up in our lives, cause you know asking oh, I'm so sorry, you over-apologize Like no. You know if you're like me at one point in my life, you know you avoid confrontation to keep the peace. Even when something is bothering you, you stay quiet to avoid being labeled difficult. Now, can you relate to that? Another one.

Speaker 1: 6:37

For me and I've seen this in the past year is don't play in your success. Have you, like, ever been in a situation where you've accomplished something major but, instead of owning it, what you say oh, it was nothing, oh, I just got lucky. Those are my two favorite lines. Me, I have a hard time, honestly, with taking a compliment or, essentially, even just standing in the fact that I have accomplished what I have accomplished, and it's just. We can't carry on. I cannot carry on like that going forward. Neither should you, my friend. And of course, if you're like me and I hope you're not you take on extra work because you don't want to disappoint anyone. So you end up saying yes to everything, even when you're already overwhelmed. I was big on that and I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Sometimes I got to go back to the lesson book to see girl, we need to refresh the course when it comes to you taking on work because you don't want to disappoint anyone.

Speaker 1: 7:32

When you think about it from a historical context, you know women who refused to shrink themselves. They were resilient. The truth is, every woman who has ever made a difference had to first decide that she was worthy of taking up space. You look at Sojourner Troop. She stood in front of a room full of men and challenged their beliefs with her famous words Ain't I a woman? She demanded space when others tried to deny her existence. You look at Rosa Parks. She refused. I feel like I would have been on Rosa Parks, but she refused to give up her seat on the bus, which is an act of defiance that essentially, in the end, helped ignite what we know as the civil rights movement.

Speaker 1: 8:17

Then you have Maya Angelou. She used her voice unapologetically, through poetry and storytelling, despite the world telling her that Black women's voices weren't important. Can you imagine that? And then you have Malala. She stood up for education when people told her to be silent at a very young age. These women, my friend, they didn't shrink themselves, and neither should you. That's the bottom line when you think about. Well, you're walking into a room. No, they didn't. They had to fight and they were resilient. They did not shrink themselves one bit because they deserve, they knew they deserve to be in the roles that they took up, took up upon themselves, but also for the greater good of society.

Speaker 1: 8:59

How do you start stepping into your power? And that's the question I've had to ask and answer answered in my therapy sessions. You know how do you stop playing small and truly embrace that main character energy, and it's going to start with these key shifts and I'm sharing. What I'm sharing with you is what I'm I currently do and I have been doing over the last seven months. I'm not always perfect, I'll be honest, but at the end of the day, these they're in my brain, etched in my brain. It's up to me if I choose to show up in that capacity. You know what I mean, but I want us to do that.

Speaker 1: 9:31

So the first thing is we're going to drop the over-apologizing habit at this point and drop it. Ask yourself and I've had to ask myself this question literally about two, three days ago am I actually sorry or am I just saying it out of habit? Think about that. Then you want to replace sorry for speaking up with. I have something to contribute because you do. You want to replace sorry for bothering you with? Do you have a moment? I think sometimes as well, with that you earn more respect with the person in which order, whatever relationship that you have, you can earn more respect by speaking up and just dropping the over apologizing habit that you have created by way of directly, indirectly, through society as well.

Speaker 1: 10:11

The second one and this is a big one for me these days is stop explaining yourself, for everything is stop explaining yourself for everything, my friend. You do not owe anyone. You do not owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself. You don't have to justify why you're saying no. You don't need permission to put yourself first, and that's something that I had to learn the hard way to an extent, because one thing about me I'm going over explain why I'm saying no, I'm giving you a whole thesis and I'm like girl, why am I doing this? It's because I don't have the capacity. Why should I explain why I don't have the capacity? Why should I explain why I'm putting myself first? That should not be because, again, sometimes we open up doors and give people that passageway to treat us or not necessarily respect our boundaries. So it becomes harder now when you're actually putting your foot down and you're putting yourself first. I think sometimes we become somewhat guilty of feeling some type of way for doing that. But no, the fact of the matter is you're going to stop exploiting yourself for everything.

Speaker 1: 11:12

The other one is to take up physical space, and yes, I'm talking about literal space. You know, when you get into a room or whatever space you're in, you're going to sit up straight, your posture is going to be on point, you're going to walk in with confidence, you're going to own the room when you enter. And I say this because recently I was in a room with a lot of, as they call them, heavy hitters, execs, and I'm like, wow, you know, tanya, you know the things that you prayed for, you wrote on in your journal, the thing that you've been asking for. You know, a lot of the things are manifesting in a sense.

Speaker 1: 11:44

But even while I know I put in the work to be at that table with these execs, I was still shrinking myself. I was, you know, shoulder was crouched, I was obviously being nervous. I mean, if I wasn't nervous, that means I wasn't necessarily, to me, that passionate about what I'm doing. So I was nervous in that regard. But I'm like, you know, should I talk? Because you know, for me, even talking to you in the podcast, for however long I've been doing this, for I still got to think about my brain sometimes moves faster than my mouth, or vice versa, because I think about OK, you know she's an island girl, she has an accent, she speaks fast. When she starts speaking fast and get excited, she stutters. So all these are things that I think about. I'm like girl, you know what? No, I often go back to my nursing school instructor and I cannot remember her name, but it was one of my clinical instructors while I was in nursing school and every day after clinicals we were going to the conference room and discuss the cases that we had or what we could have done better, x, y, z.

Speaker 1: 12:40

And I remember one time she said to me you know, tanya, you know, I want you to be brave, I want you to walk into a room with confidence, you know. And I said to her well, you know, she's like, you know you're too quiet when you're doing this assessment. I said well, you know again one, I have an accent. I'm not ashamed of my accent because I'm very proud. I am very, very proud. But the point is I was an immigrant, still am, but I'm an immigrant living coming from the Caribbean to the United States.

Speaker 1: 13:05

So many things happen. People look at you in a different way. I'm already black, living in the South. It's just so many different things to think about. And I just remember she said to me use your accent as your superpower, use your accent to build rapport with your patient. And let me tell you the minute I did that listen, you don't even understand. The minute I did that, it was like I was just, I just unleashed something inside of me. So every now and then, when I find myself going back to that type of mentality of you know, oh, you have an accent, you talk fast or I'm apologizing I said no, here is the girl with the island accent. If you hear an accent claim you don't mind, I'm trying to hide it. I'm like girl, no, we're not doing it anymore.

Speaker 1: 13:46

So again, you want to sit up straight, walk with confidence and own the room that you enter because you deserve to be there. The next thing, again, is speak with confidence, drop the whole I think, and just say I know, own your accomplishments, don't downplay them, don't be tanya, do not downplay your, your accomplishments and just use direct language, my friend, instead of just softening statements with just or maybe sometimes that essentially makes your argument or your text a little bit weak. So just use direct language as to what you're trying to say or what you're trying to bring across to that other person. And then the last thing is to set boundaries like a boss. Okay, saying no is a full sentence I know you've probably heard that before my friend, but that it really is no period, no, full stop. You know, prioritize your needs before saying yes to everything else. And the last thing, which is what I've been leaning into more and more, is to choose spaces that celebrate you, not tolerate you.

Speaker 1: 14:41

All right, so let me give you a little recap. Here's how you're going to tap into your main character energy. One, you're going to drop the over apologizing habit. Two, you're going to stop explaining yourself for everything. Three, you're going to take up physical space yes, literally. Three, you're going to take up physical space. Yes, literally. Four, you're going to speak with confidence, accent and all. And five, you're going to set boundaries like a boss Because, again, you're choosing spaces that celebrate you, not tolerate you.

Speaker 1: 15:12

So, as we come to the end of the episode, my friend, I want you to take a moment to think about where in your life you've been shrinking yourself. Is it at work, in your relationships, in how you talk about yourself? Think about these three questions and try to answer that Now. I want you to imagine what it would feel like to take up space unapologetically. What would that version of you look like apologetically? What would that version of you look like? What would she say yes to? What would she say no to?

Speaker 1: 15:43

And every time I hear the word unapologetic, I often go back to the Rihanna album Unapologetic, I think it was Unapologetic, I think that's what it was. I often associate that word with her because you know this album was a pivotal point in her career, essentially after she went through the good girl gone bad era. You know the drama that she had in her personal life at one point in time that the world had unfortunately had privilege to witness in. And every time I think about that album, the things that she was saying in that album, I think that's probably my favorite Rihanna album. To be honest, I mean crazy, come from the behind. But when I think about that, because you know she shows up in a way in a space where she commands that attention, she is, even if she may not fit there. You know I often look at her essentially from a Caribbean standpoint because you know she has a very, very deep, thick Bajan accent and if you're from the Caribbean you know how you feel about Bajan accent, but nevertheless, she never switched up who she was because she had an accent. So I often think about her honestly.

Speaker 1: 16:40

So think about again.

Speaker 1: 16:41

What version of you, what would that version of you look like when you're showing up for yourself, when you're not shrinking yourself and this week's post-it note affirmation is going to be I am worthy of taking up space. I will no longer shrink myself to fit into places that were never meant for me. My voice matters, my presence matters and I am stepping fully into my power. Again, you're going to get that post-it note and even if you don't have a post-it note, you're going to get a piece of paper and some tape and you're going to stick it somewhere that you frequent, a room in your house that you frequent. You go in often. It could be a bathroom, a, a bathroom mirror, and I want you to write this out.

Speaker 1: 17:20

I am worthy of taking up space. I will no longer shrink myself to fit into places that were never meant for me. My voice matters, my presence matters and I'm stepping fully into my power. So, my friend, I want to thank you again for joining me here in the t-testing room. Dm me on Instagram and tell me one way you're stepping into your power this month. If this episode resonated with you, share it in your stories and tag me, tell a friend and tell a friend, and let's just spread the main character energy movement. I love you for listening and I'll see you back here next week. Thank you.