Tea With Tanya: Transforming. Every. Aspect.
Welcome to Tea With Tanya, where health, wellness, and empowerment intersect to help you unlock your full potential. Hosted by Tanya Ambrose—a public health practitioner, nonprofit founder, and graduate student—this podcast is your go-to space for insightful conversations that inspire growth, transformation, and a healthier, more balanced life.
Every Tuesday, join Tanya in the Tea Tasting room as she explores a wide range of topics, from cultivating a healthy mindset and understanding your body to navigating career growth, relationships, and the unique challenges of womanhood. Whether you’re a woman navigating life, a parent navigating motherhood, or anyone seeking guidance on maintaining physical and mental well-being, balancing the demands of life, or empowering yourself through knowledge, Tea With Tanya is here to serve you.
Tune in for engaging discussions with experts, practical advice, and the motivation you need to live a fulfilling, empowered, and healthy life. Subscribe today and embark on your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.
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Tea With Tanya: Transforming. Every. Aspect.
Balancing Mental Health and Holiday Traditions with Clinical Psychologist Regina Apparicio
As the holiday season approaches, it often brings a mix of joy and stress. Join Tanya and her guest, Regina Apparicio, Clinical Psychologist and the Director of Mental Health at Scrub Life Cares, as they explore maintaining mental well-being during this festive yet challenging time. Regina's journey, shaped by personal experiences and her childhood curiosity about the brain, sheds light on the cultural challenges of pursuing a career in mental health within Caribbean society. Together, they discuss how therapy can help balance the happiness of family gatherings with personal moments of reflection.
Discover how to manage holiday expectations and traditions effectively, particularly within culturally diverse families. Tanya and Regina address the pressures of holiday traditions and offer practical strategies for parents to meet these expectations without compromising their resources or capacity. They highlight the importance of adapting traditions to fit cultural identities, such as those in the Caribbean context. By planning early and sharing responsibilities like potluck gatherings, families can create more enjoyable and peaceful holiday experiences.
The episode also explores the importance of supporting children’s mental health beyond the holiday season. Tanya emphasizes self-care for parents and the significance of being present and responsive to children's needs, recognizing their unique tolerance for holiday activities. Regina delves into creating a supportive environment for open emotional communication, ensuring children feel secure and understood. This holistic approach, which includes understanding verbal and non-verbal cues, helps foster emotional resilience in children, preparing them to face new and unfamiliar situations confidently.
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Welcome to Tea with Tanya. I'm your host, tanya Ambrose, an average millennial navigating life as a maternal health professional, non-profit founder and grad student. Join me in the tea tasting room where we spill the tea on finding balance and promoting positive living while doing it all. Hey friend, welcome back to another episode of Tea with Tanya, and today we're going to be diving into a topic that's very important because it affects many families, especially the way in which this world has been going the last 11 months now, and that is mental health during the holidays, because, you know, this time of the year can be full of warmth and joy, or should be, but it can also be very overwhelming, especially for parents managing their own expectations and the needs of their children.
Speaker 1:So today I'm very excited for today's guest, like I always am. She's an amazing person. She's a director of health I mean mental health in Scrub Life Care. It's my non-profit organization and we're going to be talking about, you know, family and mentor health. So, regina, welcome to Tea with Tanya. I think you're finally on here. You're on the Instagram live series, but you're now finally on the actual podcast. So welcome to the Tea Tasting Room.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited for being here, tanya, because, of course, I have been looking forward to this moment. I have seen many of your podcasts being circulated and so you know, when you did reach out to me, I said, yay, finally I get to really sit in this space with you and for us to converse on a topic that is very much important, and even one that had me thinking quite a bit for myself, not just from the standpoint of being a mental health provider and advocate, but even one of being a parent.
Speaker 1:No, that's very important because, again, when you think about the stress that comes with just being a parent throughout the entire year, but then when you think about the holiday season, you know there's so many things that interplay there. So tell us a little bit before we get into the meat of the episode. How did your upbringing or background lead you to this career that you decided to choose, that you chose from?
Speaker 2:That's a very loaded question, because I feel as if I was influenced by a variety of experiences, one starting out with you know.
Speaker 2:When I take my mind as far back as I can, I remember genuinely having a curiosity about the brain and the way in which it functioned, and that was stemming from having a family member who had a condition that was, you know, a disability, I would say, and I believe it was cerebral palsy from you know, and so I couldn't understand well, why did I develop the way in which I was developing, but this family member somehow couldn't develop along the same path? And so when I was told that, you know, the condition is one that is connected to some of what is happening in the brain and so forth, it really piqued my curiosity. And then, of course, I went further into high school and I started to do the natural sciences, and then I started to realize I have interest in maybe being a neurologist, neurosurgeon, but I really didn't like chemistry and physics and all of the things that were necessary for me to have that foundation to move forward in the medical field.
Speaker 2:So you know, I still maintain the curiosity. And then I remember one time being told that you know what you would make a really good therapist, and I didn't even know what it meant. And then I remember someone else saying to me that you know that maybe you could be a psychologist. And at that time, you know it was a big word for me and I still didn't have a full understanding of what it meant. And around that time, you know, it was a big word for me and I still didn't have a full understanding of what it meant. And around that period I remember sharing with someone. You know what I really like to help people, and perhaps nursing is one of those professions.
Speaker 2:I go into and I had someone in my life discourage me from it. She scared me by saying to me well, you know, if you were to follow that path, then it means that you would need to prepare yourself to have to clean up after persons and their body wastes. And I said nah, and they were very raw about it. You know, I am being very filtered, but it was very unhinged the way in which the person went into depth around what I would experience, and so it scared me away, but it didn't scare me away from wanting to help people. And so when I did do the research around what it meant to be a psychologist and what the profession entailed and the responsibility, it's almost like a fire lit within me that I said to myself this is who I want to be, and that was from since high school and I've never shifted from that up until this point. So I'm really glad and really privileged to be here in that capacity.
Speaker 1:And I love talking about you, talking to you because, again, the way in which, coming from a Caribbean, our brain, we know, when it comes to our mental health, that's something that we don't often talk about. So see you leading the charge with mental health back in Antigua. It's always a joy and a privilege because, again, our thing is to not become a doctor or a teacher, but then who's going to take care of our mental health? We can't talk about our overall wellbeing if we're not talking about our mental health. You know, and I think about like the holidays can be such a mixed experience For me.
Speaker 1:It's happiness and it's also a little bit of sadness because, again, it's the one time where I would have lost my grandmother, but I've got the tools by way of therapy, you know as to how to manage my stress or my anxiety, or even a depression from time to time as well. And then, on one hand, you know there's the excitement that you know, and family time, because you know what we're going to come together, we're going to fellowship, but then there's also a lot of stress that comes along with it, especially for parents juggling so many different responsibilities. So what are some of the challenges, or common challenges you've seen parents face, especially during the holiday season.
Speaker 2:Immediately, what comes to mind for me is finance, and that is because of the social expectations around the holiday season, whether it be having to, let's say, provide additional resources and I and I say that I say that in a way that, um, you know, it makes me chuckle because of course it really isn't coming from a place of necessity it is more so of resourcing a child with wants, and when I say that, what I mean is even having to purchase toys, which is an additional financial burden on a parent, or gifts. And whilst you may be expected from a societal or social standpoint because, of course, what you're being bombarded with is a lot of advertisement with reference to the gifts of the season and joy and fulfillment, and what those ads tend to focus on are all the ways in which parents should shower their children with these fancy toys and gadgets. And so there is this expectation that, in coming into this time of year, that parents are expected, of course, to find the ways and the means to dish out more money, all right, and so that's coming from the standpoint of the responsibility as a parent, and it may not just be for the individual child, but of course you may even have things like Christmas parties and programs. There are additional monies that are expected to be expended by the family and that can be somewhat stressful. And then, of course, we have the actual preparation of the household.
Speaker 2:You know you made reference to our Caribbean upbringing and let me tell you, you know, in other parts of the world we would talk about things like spring cleaning. In the Caribbean household, it is it is Christmas where a lot is done, that is, persons are even painting over their houses, outfitting their homes with brand new furniture and all these fancy curtains. Every room needs to be refurnished in some way, and it is a significantly financially burdensome experience and very tiring too in terms of the preparation. So even many Caribbean mothers are oftentimes spending late hours at night doing a ton of cleaning in order to make sure that the home is ready for the holiday, for the Christmas period itself leading up, and so many persons don't oftentimes think about the impact that has. And that is because of essentially wanting to be in keeping with cultural tradition and also wanting to be sometimes in competition with their neighbors, because of who has the nice and fanciest layout.
Speaker 2:Curtains and yep Curtains, and so it is a lot to keep up with and it is oftentimes not necessarily focused on, I would say, in terms of the impact that that holds on a person in terms of wanting to be able to keep up with the Joneses.
Speaker 1:And I think you know that's a very good answer, because I think, again, we think about having to live up to certain expectations. Why, I don't even know how. When was that even created? You know? You just know that we were trying to cram in everything in December leading up to one day which is Christmas. You know, here in the United States we have Thanksgiving and Black Friday, but for us in the Caribbean, our spring cleaning, so to speak, happens in the month of December.
Speaker 1:I've had my mom ironing curtain cloths on the iron board the night before on Christmas Eve. That was our tradition. We had all this time. We had 11 months essentially to do these things and we're trying to cram everything in one week to lead up to one special day, you know. And then we think about again, you have to live up to the expectations, you know, between gift giving, attending different events, like you mentioned, keeping up the traditions, that can be overwhelming Because I mean, I know, for me I'm like in my own house now I'm trying to do the same thing, but it becomes a lot for me. So what are some effective ways you think parents can manage these pressures? Because, again, how can they set boundaries or how can they manage these pressures of living up to, I'll just say, keeping with the Joneses?
Speaker 2:I would first of all say, indicate that it's important for parents to be mindful of their own personal situation and circumstance, so that it's starting there Having an understanding of your own resources and your own capacity and what it is that you can realistically manage to do with. Maybe one child is able to purchase a Christmas tree and place all of the gifts onto that tree for this one child. A family that has five children may not be able to shower each of those children with multiple gifts, and so that's the reality of the situation. And do we even need to maintain, let's say, standards and traditions that are coming from other cultures, like even I made mention of having a Christmas tree? That may not even be a tradition, that is, you know, it is common for a Caribbean household.
Speaker 2:We do have Western influences, of course, yet it is important for us to stay true to what I would consider to be our cultural identity. So it doesn't rob you from your experience if you're not able to do what you see is happening on TV, okay. So what I would also say is to even pace oneself, and, as you mentioned, tanya, that many of our parents, particularly our mothers, would wait until that Christmas Eve, because, of course this is the tradition, and they are busy ironing curtains, curtains that otherwise throw the other 360. Who are not being used, who need to be ironed, you know, and they're pressuring themselves for all of this when, in fact, it is the same family who has been existing in this household, who have been very much okay with the wrinkle curtains.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 2:So I would say for parents you know, if that is what you want to do, because of course I wouldn't say to move away from what brings you happiness and joy in that moment.
Speaker 2:You know everybody wants to have a nice decorated space. Yet, pace yourself leading up, even if it means identifying well what it is that I want to be able to do from this moment, and can I begin to do it earlier, so I am not stuck on Christmas Eve rushing to get the house together, going out to do last minute Christmas shopping and knowing that I also perhaps need to attend services at my church, because of course that is another tradition that we have. So, going into Christmas Day itself, which should be a period of celebration where we experience peace, happiness, joy, fulfillment, many persons are going in exhausted and then having to wake up very early Christmas morning to prepare traditional breakfasts and even more extensive meals for family gathering. So, even as I'm on the day itself, what I would say is you know, one thing I can appreciate about the Caribbean tradition is that we engage in a lot of like potlucks around.
Speaker 2:Christmas. So you know, the task is really on the person who is hosting for them to have their space available and to undertake the additional work of the preparation and perhaps the cleanup after. And in some households and I can say even for my own there are instances where we would each send out, like we would have a list prepared, and persons are dividing up and conquering. You know you're saying, ok, I will take on the turkey this year, another family member takes on the ham and so forth, and then we create an entire dinner experience from each person taking on a task. So it isn't overwhelming. That works in larger families and extended families.
Speaker 2:For smaller families, though, it may not be that helpful to have an extensive menu, unless, of course, perhaps one may be seeking to, let's say, outsource by purchasing.
Speaker 2:So that way you're not stuck over the fire, literally just there cooking up a ton of meals and by the end of it you're so tired, you're so exhausted, you're so overwhelmed you can't even enjoy the meal that you're having. So what I would definitely say is that it's helpful to continue those types of traditions, that is, to share up tasks, responsibility, and I've even seen in some households that persons you know, even though it's not their home that they're going to. They would even volunteer at the end to help to clean back up, so the person posting is not left again with the burden of okay, now everybody has cleared out, here I am stuck with all of these dirty dishes and with a house that's unkempt, and now here I am overwhelmed again, and it's just an ongoing experience of, of course, stress, which can be impactful, yeah, and I think the idea of, you know again, wanting to keep up with the family traditions or even creating traditions that are manageable, it makes for a better day, a better time during this season as well.
Speaker 1:but I think, one thing that comes to mind, because having a conversation the other day with a friend of mine and she was like no, I'm going to put up my Christmas tree the weekend after Halloween and everything, and she was asking me if I was going to do it I said, girl, I don't have the time. I said I'm a one person household at this point in time, you know. But at the same time I told myself, you know what? I'm? A social media era right now and you see all the things from the TikToks to the Instagram reels of what people are doing, the different things which you mentioned earlier, that can have a financial strain on individuals trying to keep up because of what they see on social media. Knowing good and well you know what I can only afford, let's say, $10 worth of Christmas items, whatever that may be. But because I see Susie over here on TikTok and Mary on Instagram, I'm trying to put myself in a stressful position so that I can.
Speaker 1:Who are we pleasing essentially, then? And I think for me, I'm thinking about, like self-care, because we oftentimes we talk about self-care any other day of the year, but then, when it comes to the holiday season, now, for some reason moms are getting into super mom's role. Fathers are over here trying to make sure that the house is ready, or whatever renovation is needed, so that we can show people who we are hosting, that you know, here we are with this perfect family, or we have it all together, or whatever the case is. This is our norm. When it's not so, could you speak to why? You know self-care is essential, especially for parents during this time, like what are some, what are some ways they can, like prioritize their mental wellbeing during this time, because we know it's a season of overwhelm and excess stress?
Speaker 2:I would say that, parents, you know, even though there is a lot of focus on essentially wanting to make your children happy and, by doing so, providing them with some of the toys you know, fulfilling this wishlist that many of them have, it's still important that parents focus on themselves as well, and focusing on oneself doesn't necessarily mean that you are selfish as a parent. It is ensuring that you are, first of all, fulfilled, that you are able to fill up your own juice mug so that you can pour into their little cups, and that is your children who come before you. Because if you're in a state of stress and overwhelm and you have literally burnt through your finances in order to fulfill what you know based on social media, as you mentioned, tanya, and those sort of pressures and expectations that are dished out, which are oftentimes unrealistic and I'm not even in keeping with the reality of the persons who are posting online, but I digress.
Speaker 2:But essentially, you know, parents should really take stock of their needs, even whilst trying to fulfill the wants of their children, and what that may mean is ensuring that the family's needs are prioritized, that the parent doesn't necessarily burn through their savings, their budget isn't significantly disrupted in a way that, literally after Christmas morning, the family is struggling to go into January Because, in the Caribbean in particular, struggling to go into January because, in the Caribbean in particular, many persons are paid ahead of Christmas, and so what that means is that January seems to end up being a long month and many persons don't take stock of that, the impact that that has, because, of course, the bills are still coming, and so parents really need to keep that in their focus.
Speaker 2:That, whilst I am seeking to buy these items, I also need to ensure that I am prioritizing the needs for myself, that I'm still able to eat a nutritional meal after Christmas, that I am not essentially putting the family in a position of struggling, that I'm still able to, let's say, if I'm active in the gym, I can still keep up with my gym membership, I can keep the utilities on that. They are basic essentials that are still being made available to the family and, of course, I even give to myself. So even whilst we're trying to make sure that our children have the nice necessities and what we figure it is that it's really cool on the market, parents also need to ensure that they're prioritizing their own needs, their overall wellness and health, so that to shift a bit to focus on our children.
Speaker 1:I know we spoke briefly about our parents or caregivers, but for children, you know, the holidays can be full of joy and excitement, but then that could also lead to overstimulation or even disappointment sometimes, if you're being honest, especially if things don't go as expected for our children, who don't know any better most times right. So what are some ways our parents can support their children's mental health during this season? Not only this season, even though we're talking about that, but even to continue, because we don't want to start something and then we don't continue once the holiday season is over. We got to think about the next 11 months again before we get back to where we are. So how can they support their children's mental health during this season and even beyond?
Speaker 2:their children's mental health during this season and even beyond.
Speaker 2:We need to definitely ensure, as parents and you know, and I say as parents because, like I mentioned, at the start that I am one myself that we're not just focusing on and dishing out the gadgets and putting these items and products in front of them in hopes that it would fill a void. Our presence is still very much needed and so, even if we, let's say, give them a game as a gift, we need to be playing these games with them. We need to be active in their lives. We need to ensure that, even whilst we're preparing the home, that we're still actually spending time with them. They're not being neglected whilst we are chasing around and wanting to fulfill all of these expectations, because what is really important at that time and that is what needs to be the focus how it is that our children's needs are being met, how we are being responsive parents, because, of course, every child at different developmental stages may show indicators of overwhelm, that overstimulation, as you mentioned, tanya. That's very different. Not every child can handle all of these big parties or gatherings that some families tend to host, and they may not be able to be a part of these types of gatherings for extended hours. So we need to be mindful that the capacity and tolerance level of an adult to all of the light and the sound and the music and even the abundance of persons who are perhaps chatting a lot and everything, all the activity essentially that is happening in the space. Some children may not be able to handle it for different reasons. It could be because of varying mental health conditions like autism and ADHD, which makes it difficult for them to manage the sensory overload and being overly stimulated in those moments, versus it could be because of their age, their developmental stage. Like a newborn child, a baby, an infant can't necessarily handle so many persons being around them and overstimulating the brain in that way, even toddlers.
Speaker 2:When I think about my daughter, more recently I took her to a graduation ceremony and you know, tanya, that Caribbean graduation ceremonies they can be long and they can be drawn out and at one point she literally said to me. She said to me first mommy, I want you to put back on my shoes, so she's ready to go. She's ready to go and I needed to know, as a parent, what the signals were because, of course, after, let's say, if I were to decide that I'm going to just ignore her because I just want to be in his graduation ceremony and I'm going to see it through to the end what I'm going to be left with is a child that is throwing a tantrum, that is crying, that is squirmy, that is getting restless, that is getting irritable and, through no fault of her own, because what she has been faced with is just too much for her to handle. And shortly after the shoes went on, she literally turned to me and said mommy, I am ready to go home. And so I just had to say to her okay, once we just get past this little moment here, then we're able to make that transition out of that ceremony.
Speaker 2:What worked in my favor is that she found another little child who she could play with. That took her attention away from all of the stimulation, particularly involving the adults and what was happening there. So she was able to find some sort of distraction in the moment, but even that was short-lived. So it's important for parents to be mindful and aware of what their children can actually tolerate. What it may look like practically is, let's say, going to the event maybe earlier, before the entire crowd is present, or waiting until much later along, or a midpoint, and ensuring that you maintain a boundary around time. So if the child can only manage, let's say, an hour, hour and a half, then you stick to that. We're not forcing our children to stay into these environments beyond what it is that they can truly manage.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny that you mentioned that because I think, again, I'm not a parent yet, but as a parent yourself and for those listening, you know you think about okay, I'm going to get my child ready, we're going to go to this graduation, we're going to go to this event, not thinking about maybe what kind of stress or emotional response they would have, just in general. But when you think about the holiday season, you know their routines are being disrupted because now you're no longer in your safe or common environment, you're somewhere else now and whatever routine we had when we were home it gets interrupted because again, you know you're cooking, you're cleaning, you're mingling with friends and family, so baby's usual bedtime may not even be that anymore, because you know what we are on vacation or it's a holiday time. Everything goes out the window, you know. And so, like, I wonder, like what kinds of stressors or even emotional responses you think children often experience during the holiday time when things are just disrupted across our boards?
Speaker 2:so what you may find is that a child may become irritable as an emotional response. They may basically express being overwhelmed, and express it through crying spells, throwing tantrums, because sometimes children may not have all the words to really say to you well, mommy, right now this is too much. And so what we tend to notice is that they act out their feelings because of course, they don't necessarily have the emotional growth at that point in order for them to truly identify what is happening. So that's why we have to pay very keen attention to our children and almost notice the difference in the behavior when the routine is disrupted, as you've mentioned, tanya, because of course you know, the child may be accustomed to going to bed at, let's say, eight o'clock, but then when we're traveling or when we are going to these events, the child is now forced to go to bed later because all of the activities that is taking place around them, it is hard for them to settle and wind down. So we definitely have to be aware and we have to find ways to soothe our children too when they're experiencing the discomfort. Some children are soothed well via objects, whether it be a teddy bear, a blanket, anything that helps to establish that sense of comfort, sometimes even just cradling them, rocking them, so that they feel this sense of OK. Well, my, you know that warmth, that connection to their caregiver, this responsive responsiveness to their needs, is important. It's important that, even whilst we're engaging in the festivities, that we still check in on them, ensuring that they're eating on time.
Speaker 2:But sometimes we can get really carried away in the host you know that we are not paying attention to if, let's say, the child has a particular timing within which they need to eat, or if the child is being potty trained, keeping up with their schedule, that is, they need to go to the bathroom at this time and they may need that additional support from the parent.
Speaker 2:And even all of that gets very disrupted when you travel because there is still so much happening outside of your control. For instance, when I think about when I traveled to the US and you're going through the long line at TSA and children can't manage it, they really can't. There are times when I have to keep looking all around like a surveillance camera for my daughter, because I know I need to stand up in this line and I have no choice but to do so. She's literally sometimes tugging me along and saying to me Mommy, let's go, let's go. And so we need to be prepared for even instances like that, that we have helpful and healthy distractions for them, whether it mean a book, having a book that they're interested in. You know, parents oftentimes use the gadgets, but even the gadgets sometimes can be overstimulating.
Speaker 1:Even having a warm cup of their favorite tea, hot milk, porridge, whatever it is that helps that child to feel more settled and grounded in the moment is helpful and, you know, I think I think that is helpful indeed, because I think it's wise that parents are proactive when it comes to their children and this holiday time and this busy season.
Speaker 1:So what are some advice, or what is it? What is the best approach, you think, in preparing children for changes in their routine? You know, like the gatherings and the travel, because, like we mentioned, it's going to be disrupted, we, we're going to be up late, we're laughing, we're mingling. You know, let's say, you don't live, like for me, I don't live with my, my family and my parents anymore because I'm in a different country. So then when we go home now, everybody's just like, so happy to see each other, we to a routine one way, and then, you know, the disruption of that routine now can, can have a long lasting effect by the time you return to where you know you, you, you live. So what is the best approach in preparing children, whether it's as a toddler, even if you're a teen, whatever it is, for changes in their routine, especially when it comes to holiday gatherings and travel and stuff like that?
Speaker 2:I like that you mentioned teen, because with teen or teenagers in particular, they're the ones who you may be able to actually speak to about the experience and what to expect and have further dialogue with them and get them involved in the process of the preparations and the planning, so that they're taking objects or they're pulling together their own resources.
Speaker 2:That could help them to manage the experience and they would be better able to readjust than, let's say, a much smaller child. So they're the ones who you could take some risk with in terms of if their bedtime is you or their curfew, however it is, that you may look at. It is usually, let's say, um, at 10 o'clock and the garden you're out at a gathering up to, let's say, midnight, which is very common in some caribbean households where you are staying at these festivities for long, long hours, all the way down into four in the morning depending and so it's important for them to be told ahead what it is that they can expect, and if it is that they're able to have similar age peers around them too, that they can engage in activities that they're interested in, then that could help with the experience. And you know, parents also need to be willing to adjust themselves.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So once you can, or before you had a child, you could decide you're going to stay at this event until whenever you feel like leaving. It's still important that we shift our own approaches and understand that we still are parents and we need to be mindful of what happens to our children and even what happens to ourselves, Because for me, I feel as if my body operates very differently now after having a child. Whereas I could stay up before and just do whatever, I could be sleep deprived and I could get up the next day and I'm okay, or I could sleep in longer. That doesn't happen anymore. When you're a parent, you still need to be able to get up the next day, get up early and get the children prepared. So even having to leave the event early is for your benefit as well.
Speaker 2:Now, when we look at more so smaller children, the responsibility then shifts more to the parents in terms of understanding, based on the experience with them, what it is that your child may actually feel more connected to, what it is that could help your child to manage the experience in the moment and when it is that they could no longer manage, and that's the point within which you may need to make a decision to leave some of these events and if it is not an event, I would say that it's important, even as an example we spoke about traveling that you find even spaces, quiet spaces, spaces where the light isn't as bright that it could help quiet the child down, that they could actually get a restful night's sleep.
Speaker 2:For me in particular, Tanya, sometimes what I would do, especially if I know it involves night travel I would most importantly ensure that I have my daughter's stroller and, trust me, that's only used when I'm traveling, because in Antigua you don't really need much of those things because we are short distances. But when it is that I am in environments where the distance is longer, I try to make sure that I have some of the clothing that she would typically wear later at night, like the longer sleeves I would ensure I have, like a blanket. I would have what is necessary to begin to almost organically create an environment for her that is supportive of a restful night that she can begin to wind down as best as possible in line with the routine that has been established.
Speaker 1:You know, I love that idea of you know, creating a safe space even for children, no matter how old or how young they may be, because they have feelings. They're going to have different emotions as well. I think sometimes our children tend to feel overwhelmed, but as a parent or as an adult, we're not expecting them to feel that way Because, oh, you're a child, what can you be stressed about? Why are you overwhelmed? It's all on me, but sometimes they don't even have the words to explain how they're feeling. It's all on me, you know, but sometimes they don't even have the words to explain how they're feeling. Whether you're two years old or you're even 17, you know.
Speaker 1:So how can our parents create an environment where children feel safe to talk about their feelings? Because I think that's what's missing in today's society to an extent, not only during the holiday time, but definitely throughout the entire year. Our children don't know how to communicate their feelings or their emotions, especially during a busy season. So how can our parents create an environment where their children feel safe to talk about anything, doesn't matter how they're feeling upset, angry, happy. What can we do?
Speaker 2:Parents need to first of all start off with even identifying times throughout the day, despite how busy our schedules can be, where we are able to even sit and have conversations with our children, and having genuine conversations around. How did your day go? Didn't anything interesting happen at school? What did you enjoy the most about your day? What came up for you? How are you getting along with your friends, with your schoolwork, with your teachers? What is happening? And if you getting along with your friends, with your schoolwork, with your teachers, what is happening? And if you notice that the child is quiet, you could even say well, I noticed that you're quiet today. What's going on?
Speaker 2:And you're allocating the time, excuse me, in order to do so, and time that allows the child to have that free opportunity without judgment, and that you're not rushing them along too. So it's one thing to be trying to do so when you're trying to get them out of the door and you're in the car and you're hustling from one activity to the next. What's important is that the child is aware that there is a slower period in that day where they can have that moment to either mommy or daddy and undivided, meaning that there is nothing else occupying your attention, that you're fully attuned with them, with their responsiveness, even to perhaps some of the questions that you may be asking or some of the statements that you're making, that you're not just paying attention to what they verbalize, but also in the way in which they are behaving, because, like I mentioned earlier, children are oftentimes acting out their feelings. So they may be saying to you well, I'm good, I'm okay, but is the child crying? Does the child seem afraid? Does the child seem nervous?
Speaker 2:Based on their behaviors, is the child presenting to you as if they're somewhat guarded, like they're reluctant to say things to you, that they're very vague with their responses and it's almost as if, okay, something may be there, but they're not fully forthcoming with what the issue is. So, as parents, we need to be fully attuned with what is happening with our children and we need to be fully responsive to their needs, as best as we can, and even ask persons around them, whether it be other caregivers, other family members, other persons in the household, asking them what has their interaction been with the child, what are they noticing, so that you're not just relying on what is being said to you or your own thoughts, because, of course, other persons may be with them throughout other times in the day, and they may be privy to things that you are not.
Speaker 1:What is a good way to help all children identify and communicate the emotions in general, but also during the busy season and I ask that question because, again, we mentioned about going to these different gatherings or going to a family event, or whatever the case may be Sometimes as parents we tend to forget our children. What I mean is the fact that, oh, go play with your cousins in the yard, wherever, and then knowing that sometimes maybe that child could be, you know, insecure about something, or they could be an introvert, they're really, really shy, so it takes a while even for them to get used to where they are in that particular environment. But again, as parents, sometimes or at least you know, back in our day, I don't know, you know we would just tell you know what you're here, we're going to be here for the next couple of days or how many hours. Go find something to do, go pray to your cousin, go pray to your sister, do whatever, but again, we don't want to.
Speaker 1:But then sometimes that fear of essentially one, probably, speaking back to your parents, it depends on what kind of environment you're used to in your household, right? So then you're there, feeling uncomfortable, you're sad, you know it can even create a sense of anxiety now, because you know what I'm not comfortable around these people or in this particular environment, but I cannot tell my mom or my dad, I cannot tell my grandma, I cannot tell whoever it is as an adult how I'm feeling. So what's a good way to help children identify and communicate their emotions during this time, this busy season, but just in general, when it comes to our parents?
Speaker 2:I think it's important for us to sometimes try to put ourselves in their shoes, in their little tiny shoes, remembering where we once came from and what it was like for us, even at their age. So it is very difficult for just as it is for adults, sometimes to go into spaces that are not familiar, and what it does is that it creates fear, worry, concern, and some children would even simply say well, I feel scared, and whilst there isn't necessarily a monster in the room, there is the perception that I can't manage because of how unfamiliar this feels to me. And so what I oftentimes try to do for myself, and I would encourage parents to do, is, even before you come out of the car, like as you're pulling up to where it is that you're going, or even before you do so, you start to have little conversations with the child, reassuring them that you let them know, in a language that they could understand, that this is where you're going. This is what could happen in terms of you're going to see people that are new to you, or you may even see someone that is familiar to you and feel comfortable to connect with the person that you feel comfortable with in some way, sometimes when the child may hear okay, well, your favorite cousin is going to be there or you know your sister or your brother is coming along with you. Then it helps the child to feel more reassured that, okay, somebody else is there or there is an object of familiarity to me that I can go back towards my safe base that allows me to navigate what feels like it's so unfamiliar. Then it's important to even use language. That's reassuring, that you're saying to the child that you know, okay, I get it, that you feel scared but you're gonna be okay and that I am here and that if, let's say, something happens, the child needs to know what part of the environment you are, that they can come back to you as their secure base. So some children are able to go into these environments or I should say at least most when they do notice that the caregiver is within their reach.
Speaker 2:So my daughter, I notice, gets very settled in unfamiliar spaces if she just even sees me. I don't have to be there actually interacting with her, but if she can see me, it then allows her to feel free enough to roam out at a distance with other children who are not familiar, and then she knows that I'm there to come back and if, let's say, I do need to leave the space briefly, I would even still reassure her and tell her I am going to come back. I won't just disappear, right? I let her know and I know she has no sense of time, but I still even try to communicate a time. But I reassure her that I will be back and I try to maintain that time frame within which I've committed to as best as possible.
Speaker 2:So you know, and even if, let's say, the child gets scared and is tearful about it, it's important that we are not punitive in our approach, that we still hug the child, embrace the child, help them to understand that even their fear and their worry are appropriate for the situation and that you are still there to comfort them.
Speaker 2:Because the child needs to know when I get scared, my mommy is still going to be as responsive or my daddy as when I'm happy, or when I am sad, or when I am angry, that we're still available and that we're even helping them to identify and name the emotions, because sometimes I offer it. I will ask do you feel sad? Are you scared? All right, and I know my daughter, because of her age, she may not be able to fully articulate why I may offer it. Are you scared because you're seeing people you don't know? That it's somebody that you don't know? Anybody here, or your favorite cousin isn't he? And then I would get a little nod, and then I would then go further to acknowledge because of course I would if I were her.
Speaker 2:I would feel afraid sometimes, even as an adult, I go into spaces that are unfamiliar to me and if I were to be true to myself, I get scared yeah because I don't know what to expect and I have more tools than she does to manage and to stay grounded in that moment, and so I need to be acknowledging that and embracing of that.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think that comes back again to being that safe space or place for your children as well. Again, I know sometimes life gets overwhelming, and sometimes we lash out in a way that we didn't mean to, but once you create that safe environment, as you said you mentioned, if you're in the same space or area where your daughter is, she knows I'm safe still because my mom is present, and I think that's something that we often tend to forget. Something as simple as that really and truly goes a long way as well. So I want to thank you, regina, for the insight that you gave us, because I know whoever is listening can take it. They weren't thinking about this. You know they'll have a new perspective in general. So, as we wrap up, though, I'd love to hear if you have any last words for parents who want to make this holiday season a little bit stressful and more joyful. What's one piece of advice you can give to them?
Speaker 2:To focus on the reason for the season, like what's one piece of advice you can give to them that can provide that long lasting for our children, and so it's important that we find ways to truly enjoy being at home with our families, to truly enjoy building connections with our loved ones in a way that allows us to create memories that when they look back at them, when they are able to elicit them, that it is not one where you know there is a feeling of discontent or sadness, but, more so, opportunities that they can bask in, enjoy, and that is what I would say is most important. I would wish for anyone that is listening to this podcast that they are able to take that away and ensure that they apply it beyond even the holiday season, if we can embrace it every day even better.
Speaker 1:So I want to thank you, regina, for joining us today in the Tea Tasting Room, and I do think that everyone listening will take away some sort of tool or even find a new perspective again on navigating the holiday season. So, as you said your last words, I want to tell everybody as well Remember that taking care of your mental health is the best gift you can give yourself and your loved ones, especially this holiday season. So, of course, have a peaceful, joyful holiday season, and I will see you back here in the Tea Tasting Room next week for another episode. Oh wait, regina, before we go, hold on, hold on, hold on, I'm back now. I'm back now. Tell the people where they can find you, sure.
Speaker 2:So I can be found on Instagram. My page is, or my handle, as the younger people would say although I'm not that old brigade, you dot transform self. So I'm very much more active on Instagram. It's one of my more favorite platforms, for whatever reason, and I am also very active behind the scenes, yet still in front of the scenes sometimes, with regards to mental health talk and TIGA, and so we are accessible via both Facebook and also on Instagram. And I must say in my shameless plug, I am a proud, proud member of Scrub Life Kids. So if you haven't already listened to Tanya and gone ahead to follow the respective platforms for Scrub Life Cares, I would encourage that you do so. That is the only wish that I have for Christmas from the listeners that you do find ways to connect with those platforms and, of course, most importantly, support the initiatives.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. Thank you so much for joining us here in the Tea Tasting Room. You heard Regina support, support, support. Of course, be sure to follow her because she also does a lot of work in the mental health space and, let me tell you, sometimes it goes unnoticed, but at the same time it doesn't, because again, we know we're here trying to break the stigma as it relates to our mental health. So, of course, again, my friend, have a peaceful and joyful holiday season and I'll see you back here next week in the Tea Tasting Home. Thank you for joining me for another episode of Tea with Tanya. If you liked this episode, be sure to share it with a friend. Don't forget to follow on Instagram at Tea with Tanya Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to the weekly Tea Talk newsletter and, of course, rate on Apple or Spotify and subscribe wherever you listen. See you next time. I love you for listening.