Why Dating Is Hard For Me

In this episode of Tea With Tanya, we dive into the complexities of dating and explore why it can be challenging, especially for those with high expectations and romantic ideals. Tanya shares her personal experiences with dating, revealing her tendency to envision a future of marriage and commitment as soon as she develops deep feelings for someone. She discusses the impact of attachment styles, the psychology of attraction, and the science behind pheromones in influencing our romantic connections.

Listeners will gain insights into common mistakes in dating, such as rushing into relationships and ignoring red flags, and learn strategies for having positive dating experiences. Tanya also delves into the spiritual approach to dating, emphasizing the importance of mindfulness, self-love, and trusting the universe’s timing.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Personal challenges and experiences in dating
• Understanding attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant
• The psychology of attraction: similarity, proximity, and reciprocity
• The role of pheromones in attraction
• Common dating mistakes and how to avoid them
• Strategies for positive dating experiences: setting intentions, effective communication, and vulnerability
• Spiritual approach to dating: mindfulness, self-love, and manifesting healthy relationships
• Practical tips for getting into dating and managing expectations

 Whether you're just starting out or looking to refine your approach, this episode promises practical advice and heartfelt insights to transform your love life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Dating Challenges as a Millennial
• 9:38 Overcoming Dating Challenges With Attachment Styles
• 18:32 Avoiding Dating Mistakes and Setting Intentions
• 25:16 Embracing Self-Love in Dating Journey

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Tea with Tanya. I'm your host, tanya Ambrose, an average millennial navigating life as a maternal health professional, non-profit founder and grad student. Join me in the tea tasting room where we spill the tea on finding balance and promoting positive living while doing it all. Hey friend, welcome back to another episode of Tea with Tanya. You know, here we sip and chat about transforming every aspect of our lives. I am happy to be here with you in the Tea Tasting Room for another episode.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Before we get into today's episode, I do want to express my gratitude to you for your consistent support for showing up here weekly in the Tea Tasting Room with me as I continue to grow, as I learn and as we continue to learn and transform every aspect of our lives. So I want you to know that it does not go unnoticed. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your consistent support. Now that I've got that out of the way, I want you to know that I really am thankful for your consistent support, day in, day out, for your recommendations, for your suggestions, for your feedback. It doesn't go unnoticed and I do try to apply whatever you may tell me, my friend, to the podcast. There are days when I don't want to show up to record a podcast episode, because life is just life a bit harder sometimes, but but you are the motivation Again. Your consistent support, your feedback, you motivate me, you drive, you give me that drive to continue to want to show up here every week in the Tea Tasting Room. So thank you for that. Now, as you know how we do it here, I hope you've done something for yourself within the last week, since we last met here in the Tea Tasting Room, something that's going to bring you joy, happiness, peace, something that's going to make you feel good about yourself, because we're no longer in the people pleasing business. And if you haven't done so within the last week, there's still time to do so, because one thing about me in this life and where I am in my life right now I am learning to take things one moment at a time. You know that phrase is usually one day at a time, but for me right now, I am learning to take things one moment at a time. So if you haven't done something to please yourself or to make yourself feel good, there is still time for you to do so. Give yourself some grace, but I definitely want you to ensure that you're doing something for yourself.

Speaker 1: 2:18

So today, my friend, we are diving into a, I want to say deeply personal. But is it deeply personal? I don't know, but it's a very personal and relatable topic and that is why dating is hard for me. So, whether you're single, in a relationship or you're somewhere in between, I think you'll find something into this episode that would resonate with you. So you know how we do Grab your favorite cup of tea, and I know I have some coffee listeners here, so I'm going to just say it this one time.

Speaker 1: 2:44

You know, grab your favorite cup of tea, and I know I have some coffee listeners here, so I'm going to just say it this one time. You know your favorite cup of tea, or your coffee. And let's get started. As you know, it's summertime, so I'm into my iced teas this summer. So the tea of this week, or the iced tea of this week, is lemon iced tea. You know one thing about me I love me some lemons. The various healing and health properties and benefits that they have definitely will be indulging in this, probably more than one week, but the tea of this week is lemon iced tea, all right. So let's get into today's episode. Let's get into the tea honey for me.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Now I'm going to share some personal experiences with dating, or lack thereof, because I don't even know if I've dated in my entire life, to be quite honest with you. But dating has been for me a bit of a roller coaster. And I say that because when I think back from my early experience in high school to even my most recent ventures in this dating world, it's just been filled with a journey of, or filled with ups and downs and in-betweens, not even being sure if I ever even dated. To be honest, because I'm thinking back to high school and I can't remember going on a date oh hey, let's go get pizza to the movies. I was always with my friends and we will have other guy friends or whatever friends around, but I was just never been personally been asked on a date. So I can't necessarily think about I dated an experience back then and then the same thing as I got older and started being in relationships, I don't recall essentially dating per se by the true definition of what that means. In some ways it's now that I'm trying to quote unquote date. It's become a challenge, but we'll talk about that some more, but I will say, one of the biggest hurdles that I face when it comes to dating is my expectations.

Speaker 1: 4:27

I tend to have high hopes and dreams for my relationship. Sometimes it's my delusional, the delusional part of my brain and just how I am as a person. You know, one of my biggest hurdles is the expectations that I've set when it comes to dating Because, to be quite honest, I am a romantic girlie at heart and the minute that I develop feelings for someone, I start envisioning a future together, marriage, a family. Like the whole time, the whole nine yards, like the whole nine yards is what I am starting to think the minute I have some sort of feelings for you. So, instead of exploring various options and dating around, I do not know how to do that. Even to this day, in 2024, 34 years old, I do not know how to do that I often find myself wanting to commit deeply and wholeheartedly to that one person. So when Tanya likes you and she starts developing feelings for you, I am all about you. I'm already thinking about the 15 million kids we're going to have, the empire we're going to build, all these different things, and again, that takes away and I think that's something that I regret.

Speaker 1: 5:30

So then, when you think about the societal and cultural factors, that also plays a role in how we approach dating, or even how I approach dating. There's so many expectations and pressures to essentially find a perfect partner, to settle down by a certain age, to meet that what they used to say in the storybooks, the happily ever after standard, that sometimes it's just unrealistic if you're being honest. Like the media, we know how it is in social media and movies. They tend to paint a idealistic picture of what love is and that can be hard to live up to, to be quite honest. And then there's also the difference in dating, in the dating culture, depending on where you are.

Speaker 1: 6:24

For me I'm from Antigua, as you know it. I don't recall dating someone outside of my culture. It probably was one time and that didn't last long. Because, again for me, in my mind, I want to date someone within my culture, because it's just easier for me to adapt and adjust and I don't have to necessarily explain certain things. And that may be the shallow part of my mind, because as I'm getting older I'm like girl, you need to branch out. You know what I mean. But it's just that pressure sometimes that society puts on us and then moving down South, if I can be honest, moving down South and seeing the girlies at age 21, 22, 23,. They're getting married and they're having a kid or a child or two and I'm just like, okay, granted, that's the culture that I'm seeing here. But then, growing up where I grew up, in Antigua, you know we're not necessarily rushing to have kids at 20 or 21. You know you want to have your, your college degree, whatever it is. There's just certain, there's like a map that you follow, at least in my culture. I mean, things have obviously have changed over the course of the years, but for the most part that that's what, that's what it is All right. So for me, dating outside of my culture can be, can be, can be a bit intimidating, to be quite honest. But as I learn more about myself, you know I'm open to other opportunities. Like I say again, I am a woman's girlie.

Speaker 1: 7:41

There's this book that I read by Kennedy Ryan and it's called Real. That book, if you've never read a Kennedy Ryan book in your entire life, I do recommend you reading that book, that book. When my friend, I shout out to Jen for recommending that book, but when she recommended that book and I was reading that book, I was like, oh my goodness, I need me a. I think one of the main character, the guy that is his name, was I think it's Canon I'm going to say it, hopefully I'm not misputting the character, but I think it's Canon. I'm like, oh my God, I need me a Canon in my life, you know, and these different things, just because of how amazing that this person was to the other, their other main character, the woman as well. So you know, you see, that love can be. It's real, you know.

Speaker 1: 8:27

Then it's a situation where it's like, again, the movies and the books that we're reading, they're creating this, maybe this sense of false hope. I don't think it's a sense of false hope, but I also understand that. You know you got to take these books that you read with a grain of salt as well, but also understand that love is out there in that way as well. So it's just, you know you got to find that balance. But for me, I'm a romantic girly and when I'm into you, I'm into you. I'm ready to be your wife, your baby mom, all these things that we're going to build our life together as well.

Speaker 1: 8:58

And I think there are also emotional and mental health factors when it comes to dating and what I've learned and I am still learning, because I'm not going to sit here and be talking to you, my friend, acting like I'm a pro or an expert on dating, because absolutely not. Like I just said to you, dating is hard for me because I don't often explore various options. If I find one person, if I find one person, I'm sticking with that person and that one person only and hoping for the best for the most part. But dating isn't just about finding someone that you can connect with. It's also about managing your own emotional and mental health, and I've had to learn that the hard way in the last several months For me.

Speaker 1: 9:38

I struggle with anxiety and then that fear of rejection. I know we all in some way, shape or form have some sort of fear of rejection, not only from a romantic standpoint. But you know, if you're in school, your career, whatever it is, there's sometimes always a fear of rejection that looms over us but that can be very daunting as well. You know, these past traumas and experiences have also left their mark, making it hard to move forward without carrying some sort of baggage, and I experienced that and I'm sure you also can relate. And let's not forget my friend, my friend, my friend let's not forget the impact on our self-esteem. So it's tough to put yourself out there when you're not feeling your best. It's tough to put yourself out there when you've been hurt and you've experienced heartbreak, and you're also dealing with your own emotional and mental health factors. So you got to ensure that you are in a place, mentally and emotionally, to even step into that dating, that dating phase of your life as well. For me, they're like modern dating challenges. That brings its own set of challenges when it comes to dating.

Speaker 1: 10:40

Now we're living in a world where we have these dating apps, these online platforms. All this can be overwhelming. I'll be honest, and I'll be the first to say I have never in my life downloaded a dating app or anything of that sort. Never had a reason to do so per se, as I've been in a long-term relationship. However, when I have friends who have done that, I've seen, of course, on social media, what it's like, the many challenges that it can have, the downside to that, but also the good side. You see positive outcomes as well to those who are on these dating sites.

Speaker 1: 11:14

And then there's this paradox of choice, where too many options make it hard to commit to just one person. Like I said, I'm a one-to-one, one-person type of girly, but all these different options, it makes it hard to commit to just one person. And then, of course, we have that, the big one, the communication barrier. That's like texting, the ghosting, you know, like the ambiguity that comes with digital interaction. It's just a whole new world compared to the traditional dating Back in the day you're meeting someone in a grocery store, at the movies, whatever the case may be. But traditional dating back in the day, you're meeting someone in a grocery store, at the movies, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 1: 11:48

But we have these options at our fingertip, which is not a bad thing, but at the same time, it also just creates a challenge because you know, somebody may be a harder texter for me. You got to be a great texter when you're talking, when you know, when dealing with me, I'm a person that if you want to text, I'm fine, but I'm going to need for you to be at least a decent text. You're not going to ghost without explanation. I've had a situation where I may have pulled someone up for going ghost, let's say, for an entire week. How are you going to ghost for an entire week when we're talking? And that also presented a challenge, and I, for example, have the time for that.

Speaker 1: 12:20

I think communication needs to be key when it comes to dating and all these different things. If you're not giving me what I'm looking for, then that's gone. That's another reason why dating is hard for me, but also understanding that you know I have to adapt, adjust and learn to the new way of life and just to other people as well, and not necessarily focus on just my expectations. But that's just why, again, for me that's just hard. But also there is a science, a science behind dating that I found. So let's talk about that.

Speaker 1: 12:52

You know it's important to understand attachment styles, because these attachment styles that we have, they can provide insight into our behavior in relationships, and there are three main types of attachment. One is secure, anxious and avoidant attachment. And let me tell you, my friend, let me tell you knowing your attachment style can help you navigate relationships more effectively. Okay, I'm gonna say that again Knowing your attachment styles can help you navigate relationships more effectively, and I had to. I realized that very, very recent, which is so crazy to me, you know, like the psychology of attraction also plays a role as well. You know, studies show that similarity, proximity and reciprocity are key factors when it comes to attraction, and those are big for me as well. And let's not forget about chemistry literally Okay, chemistry is very important. So you know, we have these hormones that are chemical signals that we release. That's going to help to influence attraction.

Speaker 1: 13:58

But I learned about the various attachments. You know you learned them in school a while back, when you're not necessarily paying attention to it. But my therapist because you know we've been going back and forth with me and my situations when it comes to dating or in relationships and she had me read this book that was called Attach the Science of Adult Attachment and how it Can Help you Find and Keep Love, and I think that's by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and I read this book. It took me about two weeks to read this book, to be quite honest, but I did learn about the three types, the three main types of attachment, and that's secure attachment and people with secure attachment styles. They are comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. They can depend on others and they have others depend on them without feeling overwhelmed or anxious. And then there is the avoidant attachment style this style, those with this style people tend to be emotionally distant and I've had to deal with someone with that like that emotionally distant and they value their independence to the point of avoiding intimacy and they might find it hard to trust others and often feel uncomfortable with too much closeness. And I'm leaving this third one for last, because it's me right now.

Speaker 1: 15:18

It is the anxious attachment style and this is actually the attachment style I've noticed in myself over the last several months. Individuals with this style often crave closeness and we are highly sensitive to their partner's actions and moods. They may fear abandonment and often seek reassurance. This can sometimes lead to feeling overwhelmed or overly dependent on their partner, and for me, I don't think I was never overly dependent on a partner. I will me, I'll tell you, I don't think I was never overly dependent on a partner. I will say that much. I'm just clear here.

Speaker 1: 15:49

Okay, but recognizing this has been eye-opening for me and has helped me to understand why I personally might rush into relationships or feel anxious when things aren't moving at a pace that I'm comfortable with. To be quite honest with you, my friend, and since discovering my anxious attachment style. I've been trying to take things slow and be more intentional when it comes to entering into this new dating life. Like I saw a meme on Instagram the other day that said my red flag is that I don't want to date, I just want to magically end up in a long-term and emotionally secure relationship with someone else. I mean, is it really red flag? That's not too much to ask for in my opinion. But once I was able to recognize this by way of my therapist as well as reading that book, but primarily by way of my therapist it opened my eyes and made me understand myself a bit better when it comes to romantic relationships, dating and these different things. So I will say to you, my friend, knowing your attachment style can help you navigate relationships more effectively. So you definitely want to tap in. I would recommend reading that book or find things resources online and I'll share some in the show notes where you can discover what type of attachment styles you you may have as well.

Speaker 1: 17:08

So the minute I found that out, I found myself in one instance where I don't think I understood the individual the way I thought I did, or you know, it's sometimes you know for me and I'm going to be honest as to why dating is hard for me. Because, like I say again, I'm that person where I want you to be my husband in the next. There's no time frame, but if I like you and the energy is good, then why can't we build that relationship? You know what I mean, what's so hard in that? And I think I've been in unfortunate circumstances in relationships where I've found avoidant partners. They were avoidant, they weren't as emotionally intelligent, so it's just it put a strain on me Because for me, when I truly love someone or I'm dating someone, I'm into you. For me, that nurturing skills of mine comes out. I know I'm having to unlearn wanting to people-please a partner. I'm having to unlearn wanting to drop everything I'm. I'm having to unlearn wanting to drop everything. I'm putting said partner at the center of my life, sometimes causing me to neglect my own responsibilities and my own self. Because, again, I had that people-pleasing tendency. I'm a recovering people-pleaser. So the minute that I realized that it's still a work in progress, my friend, I am not perfect in no way, shape or form. I am still healing from heartbreak, you know. So, again, it's just taking these things one moment at a time.

Speaker 1: 18:32

Some mistakes in dating for me and I'm sure you can relate, and if you can, I would like to hear it as well. You know, having high expectations are one of the main reasons dating is hard for me. Like when you go into a relationship are one of the main reasons dating is hard for me, like when you go into a relationship, expecting it to be perfect. It's very, very easy to be disappointed and I use the word perfect loosely, because I never go into a relationship or an experience expecting perfection. I just have a level of expectation when it comes to respect. You know, treat someone how you want to be treated. You know, I just don't believe in someone should be ignoring you, ghosting you, without communication, because for me, communication is very it's key, it's very important for me. Am I the best communicator all the time? Probably not, because, again, I'm not perfect, but I'm very big on communication. If you communicate with me, life will just be so much better when it comes to dating and being in a relationship.

Speaker 1: 19:28

So another mistake that I've made is rushing into relationships. Let me tell you so. I had a long-term relationship that spanned almost a decade, and that was one that I rushed into, but it did last. Then there was another one that I evidently rushed into. At the time it didn't seem like I was rushing into it, but I rushed into it and then, once I was there, I was like, okay, that you should have taken your time. And now you, you're in it now. So you got to commit because, again, you know, you see that potential or you know that it can work. You just got to try to pump the brake and just throw things down after you're already rushed in to it.

Speaker 1: 20:02

So that's a mistake that I've made is rushing into relationship because the excitement of a new connection, let me tell you, it can sometimes be overwhelming because you know, know, you have all these good feelings and then, with that now I often overlook the important red flags because of my eagerness to make things work. When I say I'm going to say it again because I rushed into a relationship because of that excitement of the new connection and the energy is good and you know it can become so overwhelming, I ended up overlooking some of the most important red flags. You know, understanding that that person was selfish or that person was avoidant, that person is not emotionally intelligent. You know, that person is just all of self, all these. There's just so many different things that I missed as a result of rushing into a relationship. So I'm encouraging you not to make that mistake and to definitely take your time out here in these dating streets.

Speaker 1: 20:56

Okay, for me, during that time, I think I had a lack of self-awareness. That's another issue. So it's very, very important, my friend, to understand your own needs and desires before entering into any sort of relationship. So that's the mistake that we make as well when it comes to dating. And lastly, I want to say, ignoring red flags can lead to bigger issues down the road. So it's important for you to pay attention to the warning signs early on.

Speaker 1: 21:25

For me, I ignored some of the red flags because, again, looking at the potential of a person or looking at what they're presenting to me, as I think for me at the time it was a mask, knowing that I've seen the red flags. Because one thing about this gut let me tell you. You know we sip on our little teas here in the tea tasting room, right? But this gut of mine, any time, every, and any time I go against my gut. My friend Tanya always, always, always ends up in some sort of issue every time. So for me it's weird. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day and we were just talking about the intuition of a woman and how it's just that it's God-like, it's just so spiritual because you have that connectedness to the universe, because I'm telling you, when I ignore these red flags, during the midst of experiencing the heartbreak, what brought me comfort to an extent was realizing that I saw the red flags, but I chose to ignore it for whatever reason, for sake of thinking that you know what this person can be better. You know, there's just so many reasons and I'll talk about it on another episode as to why I may end up ignoring some red flags.

Speaker 1: 22:41

But some of the mistakes that we make during the dating process is to go in with extremely high expectations. That can also lead to you being disappointed, rushing into relationships, lack of self-awareness and then ignoring red flags, which can lead to bigger issues as well. So you definitely want to be aware of that. Pro-communication is another big one. Without a clear and open dialogue, you know, a lot of misunderstandings can arise. I've experienced that. So you definitely want to have that open communication from the jump, but also understand your own needs and desires before entering any relationship.

Speaker 1: 23:15

Okay, now I want to talk about some strategies for us to have a positive dating experience. You definitely want to set clear intentions, because for me right now, dating is hard because, like I say, I don't know how to explore various options. I don't know, I'm not in the mind frame or the phase of my life where I can be telling, talking about myself every couple of months to somebody, or even, at the same time, you could be dating one guy dating the other, obviously before you get exclusive. Like oh, who are you? What do you do? Like I'm just not up for those conversations right now, because I have tried, but some people just don't even know how to have the conversation. So it's just like that's also a turnoff for me as well.

Speaker 1: 23:54

But right now I'm in a phase of my life where I am recovering from some hurt, but I'm also unlearning some of the things that I've missed, that I've made in the past. But I'm also relearning how to love myself, how to set and understand my desires and my own needs before putting the needs of other people ahead of me, because I am known for again, like I said, people pleasing, putting the needs of everybody else and then I leave myself out. Not that these people have asked me to do that, but that's just a flaw that I think that's a flaw that exists in my life right now. So I am just working on that. So my goal should just be intentional about where I want to be. That's a flaw that you know exists in my life right now. So I am just working on that.

Speaker 1: 24:33

So my, my goal should just be intentional about where I want to be and dating right now it is not at the top of my list. I am, if anything, I'm going to be dating myself. We're learning who I am as a person. We're learning what I, what I, what I, what my worth, who I am, what I want out of life, because I'm just realizing that you know I'm that girl every now and again. Life Because I'm just realizing, you know I'm that girl Every now and again. I remember and then I forget, but you know I'm that girl. So right now, I'm just dating myself, dating my career, everything that I got to be going on, because I got to get my life back on track, get my life back to a point where I want it to be after falling off by way of, you know putting other people before me, but there are some ways in which you can have a positive dating experience. You know I can live vicariously to you, my friend.

Speaker 1: 25:16

But you want to set clear intentions and goals. Know what you're looking for in a relationship and communicate that to the potential partner or partners. Know what you're looking for and want out of a relationship and communicate that to a potential partner or partners. You want to practice effective communication, because that's going to be very important. You want to be honest and open about your feelings and listen actively. And I will say this, sometimes another flaw or, I guess, a red flag for me, because I can point out my red flags too. You know what I mean. I'm not going to sit there acting like I'm perfect or I'm just perfect. No, I don't often listen actively. I tend to listen to respond or I'm listening and while I'm listening I'm finding a solution to whatever an issue may be or how I can make this situation or person better. So definitely want to practice and listen actively. That's going to be very, very, very important in this dating experience and relationships.

Speaker 1: 26:12

And, of course, work and building self-confidence, because that can make a big difference. That can make a big difference. Looking in the mirror daily is something that I've been doing. I started doing this over a decade ago, then I stopped, but now I'm back to doing it Every time I see a mirror. I look in that mirror and I say you know what? You're beautiful, I am worthy. Just repeat some affirmations Anytime you see a mirror and do something that you can continue to build that self-confidence, because it's going to be very important. Embrace your strengths and work on areas of growth.

Speaker 1: 26:42

And lastly, my friend, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. That's a big thing that some of us have when it comes to dating or getting into relationships, and rightfully so, because you've been heartbroken, so trust is very hard, but you definitely cannot be afraid to be vulnerable. Open up and showing your true self. Really ensuring it can lead to a deeper connection between you and a potential partner as well. And I will say this for me, it starts with self-care and personal growth. Take time to understand yourself, because right now, that's the phase I'm in, right now when it comes to even trying to overcome dating difficulties. I'm not out here in the dating field right now. That's not for me, but right now, as I'm actively preparing to just become the better version of myself. So when that time comes, when it's time for me to attempt to get back into the dating world, I know who I am and I'm confident in who I am.

Speaker 1: 27:38

So that starts with self-care and personal growth. Take the time to understand yourself, set healthy boundaries something that I'm working on and prioritize. Your wellbeing is very, very important and that's the things that I'm doing. Those are some of the things that I'm doing right now open and honest communication, being clear about what you want, and sometimes it's honestly okay to seek professional help. Let me tell you me and my therapist, we go together real bad. So it's okay to seek professional help, whether it's therapy, counseling, so that you can work through some deeper issues, because sometimes our issues are not just surface level. It stems from our childhood, all these different things. So it doesn't hurt to seek professional help to get you through the dating phase of your life.

Speaker 1: 28:20

For me, one thing that I've been working on is getting back on track physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well. I have fallen off the wagon so hard these last several months, but I am back, and I'm back on the wagon now. But, of course, I'm having to unlearn and relearn so many different things, because for me, there's also a spiritual approach to dating, so you want to lean in towards a spiritual approach. Mindfulness, mindfulness, my friend, can be a powerful tool when it comes to dating. Being present and fully engaged in the moment can also help you to connect more deeply with your date with your potential date as well. And for me, right now, I'm all about the power of self-love, relearning, unlearning and loving myself. So I've accepted myself for who I am right now. I've struggled with that, but I have accepted and acknowledged who I am as a person and nothing or no one is going to come and penetrate that or stop that. So when you love and accept yourself, you attract healthier relationships. Okay, my friend, I'm going to say it again when you love and accept yourself, you attract healthy relationships.

Speaker 1: 29:26

You know, manifesting a healthy relationship involves visualizing the type of partner and relationship that you desire, trusting that the universe and, of course, divine timing, can bring your sense of peace and patience to your dating journey. So it has to be all in divine timing as well. We talk about manifesting abundance in our finances, in our careers, all these different things. You also have to manifest that relationship that you want, write it in that book. I have a manifesting journal. Everything that want to accomplish I am writing in that journal. So I do encourage you as well to get up. It's just that's a regular notebook, but you make it your manifesting journal and what I did was I prayed over that book, wrote some goals out in the beginning of the first page and everything that I want to happen for me. I go to that journal and I write Because, again, we have to practice that patience during this manifestation aspect of our lives so you can manifest the relationships that you want as well.

Speaker 1: 30:24

And before I go, I do want to share some practical tips for getting into dating. Some of these tips they come from my friends and just me in my hypothetical life right now, things that I'm going to do when that time comes, okay. So if you're ready to start dating, here are some tips. Of course, you know they are the choosing the right platform. Me, I'm not a dating app girly, so I don't even know what that's going to look like. But what is a dating app? A social group or event, you know? Just find a platform or something that aligns with your interests and values. Here I'm in a group that's called a columbia social girls social girls group and I make some connections with some people in that group as a result of shared interest. So find some social facebook group, you know. Just create an authentic profile, bring yourself, be honest about who you are, what you're looking for and, of course, course because I'm big on safety Any date that you're planning, you want to ensure that you're planning safe and enjoyable dates, because those can make a big difference On social media.

Speaker 1: 31:21

Now it's being said that the girlies are looking for somebody to spend an X amount of dollars on them for a date and I'm just like well, maybe I'm not that girly because, you know, I always believe that our first date at least should be something calm and casual. That way, you can see a person in a different element. That expectation, like I mentioned again about wanting to spend $500 on a date, is like what are we eating? What are we doing? So choose activities that allow for great conversation and connection as well, and remember to manage your expectation. This is me right now telling myself. It's something that I wrote in that manifestation journal as well.

Speaker 1: 32:00

Not every date will lead to a relationship, and that's okay For me. Who's a romantic girl? Who. When I'm into you, I want to start thinking about the future. I am now having to relearn this, and I hope you do too. Not every date will lead to a relationship, and that's okay. So, my friend, dating can be a wonderful journey of self-discovery and connection. So you can avoid the common mistakes, you know, understanding the science behind attraction.

Speaker 1: 32:26

Think about your attachment style. What is that like? How can you show up and love or be out in the dating phase of your life, or the dating aspect, or the dating like? How can you show up and love or be out in the dating phase of your life, or the dating aspect, or the dating space? How can you show up with your attachment styles? You know, embrace that spiritual approach and you can have a positive and fulfilling dating experience Again. So you want to avoid any common mistakes. Understand that science behind the attraction and just follow, use some of these strategies that I shared with you as well to embrace that dating experience as well.

Speaker 1: 33:00

So, for me, I want to thank you for listening to this episode. You got a glimpse into why dating is hard for me, because, listen, once we start talking, I'm ready to be everything and more, but that's something that I've had to unlearn and I'm just relearning to do things differently, based on the me that I am right now. So I hope this episode resonates with you. I would definitely love to hear your feedback. So you know the drill comment to the DMs leave a review. Whatever the case may be, let's continue this conversation. So until next time, take care, keep growing and I'll see you back here in the tea tasting room next week. Have a good day. Thank you for joining me for another episode of Tea with Tanya. If you liked this episode, be sure to share it with a friend. Don't forget to follow on Instagram at Tea with Tanya podcast. Be sure to subscribe to the weekly Tea Talk newsletter and, of course, rate on Apple or Spotify and subscribe wherever you listen. See you next time. I love you for listening.